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In this case, “No. 2” also refers to the maximum number of wipes.
Fretting how much toilet paper you need after using the loo? Not to fear — an Australian pelvic expert has come to the rescue by divulging the proper number of wipes one should employ after doing one’s business, as seen in this video with over 4.5 million views online.
“How many times do you wipe after poo?” inquires the Aussie physiotherapist, who goes by George, in the poo-torial.
If the answer’s more than three, the wiper might have a condition called “fecal smearing.”
The excremental expert explains that this revolting symptom occurs “when too much fecal matter stays at the entrance of the anus after you finish the poo” — think the human version of an ungulate’s dirty derriere.
How does one eliminate these scatological stragglers? George explains in graphic detail as if filming a bathroom calisthenics video: “A technique you can use to reduce the number of times you wipe is squeezing the pelvic floor in a waterfall formation.”
“So start by squeezing the anus 20%, 50%, 80%, 100%, so you’ve squeezed it four times by the end of your poo,” the adult potty trainer directed. “This can help close off the anus sphincter, which is the reason why you’re having little bits of stool that are hanging around the entrance. It’s usually from the weakness of that external sphincter.”
Other causes included hemorrhoids or anal scar tissue, per the expert, who advises “seeing a “pelvic floor physiotherapist” for “proper strengthening ideas.”
This wipe hack attracted jokesters like flies to scat, with one commenter quipping, “When it bleeds you know it’s done.”
“I don’t call it an entrance,” said another. “It’s an exit.”
Meanwhile, other viewers claimed they had preexisting conditions that prevented them from employing proper toilet techniques.
“I have Crohns. Wiping is my profession,” claimed one while another wrote, “My problem is I’m as hairy as Chewbacca. It’s like wiping peanut butter off a Persian rug.”
A third lamented, “I had a 4th-degree tear with baby #1. There is no amount of toilet paper that is enough.”
Having fanny fortitude isn’t the only way to maximize cleanliness while using the loo.
In a TikTok video with 7.2 million views, nephrologist (kidney specialist) Daria Sadovskaya, 29, listed several ways to avoid the microbial cesspool, the most important of which is never letting one’s hair down while going number two.
“The most important reason to wear your hair up in the bathroom is to prevent germs and bacteria from spreading around,” she told Jam Press. “You may face unpleasant consequences such as acne if you don’t do it.”
Other ways to avoid contamination during a trip to the loo include avoiding scented toilet paper and refraining from intimate washes and hot showers.
She also said to never use a loofah and to “brush your teeth only before doing your skincare.”
“I believe health is the most valuable thing a person has,” declared Sadovskaya.
She added, “That’s why I am glad and grateful to have a following that makes it possible to spread an important message to millions of people. If at least one person will be inspired by my videos to take better care of their health, I’ll be more than happy.”
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